Acknowledging that parents are people before they are parents you have to first deal with the person. As a person we have many characteristics that affect how we parent our children. There is nothing about ourselves that we can leave out. One thing having a child does is expose everything about us. Look at it as a good thing. Sometimes there are things about yourself that you would like to improve. Some people don't realize until they use curse words as much as they do until their 18 month old uses one of those choice words in the supermarket in front of millions. So now you know, and now you can make the necessary adjustments. Adjusting your behavior is the same as baby proofing your house.
In the past I've worked as a social worker assisting parents with their adolescent daughters who were at risk for delinquency. Later I taught parenting classes to mothers, fathers, and guardians of children of all ages. With these two experiences I learned one great lesson, no parent sets out to be a "bad" parent. Parents do what they know based on their current knowledge and experience. Sometimes parents make choices that do not benefit the child. As I said before, parents are people first. Some people grow up in not so good conditions or find themselves suffering from illnesses or pain that spills into their parenting. Their education level, family experiences, relationship experiences, etc all affect how they make decisions about their children. Some parents get in over their head not realizing the consequences of their actions and need help. As a parent it is okay to ask for help. You will not find an operations manual strapped to the back of your child when you first become a parent or guardian. When you get a new job, decide to go back to school or buy a house, you get to do a little research to get some information. Because all parents are different, all children are different (even siblings) and family dynamics are different. So with that many combinations, it is hard for parenting to be an exact science. It is definitely on the job training. However that does not mean we can not be proactive about learning how to be the best parents we can be.
The first thing we have to do is look at ourselves and see what are our strengths and weaknesses that we bring into the parenting game. As cute as our babies are, they will not be babies forever, one day sooner than you think our children will be grown people. What kind of adult do you want your child to be? This is the thought that needs to be in the back of your mind when you make decisions about discipline, education, activities, bonding, etc. Many parents do not think past the day to day activities to think about the future and next thing you know your child is a teenager engaging in activities you are not happy with and you are attempting to backtrack to see what led to this behavior. Is it something you could have nipped in the bud, maybe, maybe not. We always have to stay steps ahead of our children and NEVER forget what it was like to be their age. We were not perfect children and we cannot expect our children to be perfect.
This blog will discuss many things about being a parent and I welcome your comments, questions and advice. All I ask is that your posts come from a place of love and desire to share with and help others and not a place of judgement and finger pointing. We are all in this together. Our children are the future leaders of this world, we want them to be the best and this is one way to help each other meet our common goal.
Thank you!
