Am I Raising My Son to be Single or Settle?

I consider my parenting style to be "old school" mixed with a little "new school." I took some of what I learned growing up with my mom and then I also had my own ideas of what I should be doing as a parent. As a single mother I knew raising a son would be something I needed to do on purpose. I am married now which I think was good for my son to see. He is 15 but I raised him as a single parent for majority of his life. I had my "board of advisers" my male friends and family members who supported me and my son. People have a genuine interest in him and want to see him succeed. He also now has my husband to look up to and has bonded with him in the best way. He has more positive male role models than he will ever need.

I cook Sunday through Thursday on Friday and Saturday there's left overs and sometimes we go out to eat. I love to cook and try new recipes. I am against fast food as a means of providing daily nutrition for my son. I set the standard that fast food is something that happens every once and a while, never a daily event. With that my son really appreciates home cooked meals. He makes special requests for certain meals. When I cook to contribute to a church function or a big family dinner, he rushes to eat my food first. He is not a fan of hot dogs and baked beans or boxed macaroni and cheese. He wants a plate full of food, he wants a starch, a vegetable and some meat or fish.

Education is a priority, I am on my son to learn AND retain. Despite some of the teachings in school, I want my son to be able to think critically. Sometimes he is penalized for thinking outside of the box, because he did not give the teacher the exact answer that was written in her answer key in the teacher's edition of the text book. In those instances I met with the teacher and challenged her to allow my son and other students to think outside the box as this is something they will need to learn for life. In life there are no grades, only consequences based on decisions you make. I want him to be a thinker. He is not perfect, I wish he would turn in his homework, I don't know what it is about doing homework and not turning it in. He says he forgets. So for the most part he's on top of things.

I want my son to be well rounded, I want him to succeed academically, but he is also an athlete and I support him in all of the sports he plays. I am at most of his games and discuss the games and practices with him. My son watches ESPN in the morning when he wakes up and would go to sleep to it at night. So I would discuss sports with him. I had to stay on top of things so that he would feel comfortable talking to me about and not feel like he had to teach me all of the time.  I also exercise and engage in physical activity. I have played basketball with my son, I'm not very good but hey I'll get out there. We've played tennis together. My son is very competitive and likes to talk a lot of trash. We play games on the wii. I like to be active with him. I feel that when we learn what our children's interests are and we make it our interests too, it keeps the communication lines open. Communication is what we lose first when they become teenagers so we have to set that foundation early.

With my son I stress to him how blessed he is. I do not want him to take anything for granted. I let him know that not all children live the way that he does. For the past three years he has been spending two Saturdays a month bagging groceries in the church food pantry. He would come home and say how many people came and how many families he fed. He would be happy. I thought I would have to wake him and encourage him to go, but he starts making plans Friday night about getting up Saturday morning. On Sundays we are in church. He is a young usher.

With all of this being said, as my son gets older, I think about the kind of woman he would bring home, what would his dating life would be like.  Would he have choices?  I do not want to come off like I think my son will be a perfect man but I have concerns. I see the young ladies today and they seem to be struggling with serious self esteem issues that lead to other behavior issues. Many boys are being raised to disrespect women. Many women don't cook so I know they are not teaching their daughters to cook. My son sees the way that I carry myself and I know he is going to look for some of those characteristics in a woman. He is well mannered and polite. I don't want this to be seen as a weakness. With every generation, the respected traditions gets lost. Are there parents out there raising their daughters to be respectful of themselves and others, are they being raised to use their minds instead of their bodies to get ahead? Are they being taught how to appreciate genuine qualities in other people? Will they know their own worth so they will be able to appreciate the worth in another? Will they be able to see past where he could take them or what he could give them?